Charlie Sheen’s Wild New Memoir in 10 Sentences

On Sept. 9, The Hollywood Actor Will Release His Autobiography (The Book of Sheen: A Memoir), paired with a documentary about his life (Aka Charlie Sheen) Premiering on Netflix Sept. 10.

On Playing Ping-Pong As A 10-YEAR-ELD WITH OJ SIMPSON:

“PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I’M Still Describing his ping-pong skills WHEN I SAY: His RIGHT HAND WAS FUKKEN Lethal [sic]. ”

The Young Sheen Was On Set with his Father and A Co-Star Oj Simpson. Sheen Challenge Simpson to A Ping-Pong Match. It Lasted Over 21 Sets, with Sheen Holding His Own, Unil The Ultra-Competitive Simpson Switched Hands with His Paddle and Unleashed a Fury on the Child To Win.

On loming his virginity as a High School Sophomore to a Las Vegas Escort Named Candy:

“She Was Ann-Margret in Her Prime With A MasterCard Swper.

Sheen and a High School Buddy Joiched Sheen’s Facher, Martin Sheen, on a Trip to Las Vegas, and Slept in An Adjoing Hotel Room. Young Charlie Snuck Into His Father’s Room One Night to Steal His Dad’s Credit Card and Used It to Pay An Escort for Her Services. (Sheen Makes Sure to Clarify that He Went First.)

On Johnny Depp Getting Him Hored On Cigarettes During the Filming of Platoon:

“HE HAD SUCCESSFULLY CONVERTED ONE NONSMOKER ON EACH OF HIS PREVIUS THREE FILMS.”Sheen claims that, by the time he quit smoking in 2019, he had inhaled some 25-miles of cigarettes laid butt to tip. IT WAS Johnny Depp Who introduced sheen (then a non-smoker) to the habit. And for that, Sheen Says He’ll Send Dep The Bill for A New Lung “Should I Ever Need One.”

On His 1992 Introduction to Crack Through An Ex-Girlfriend Named Sandy:

“Sandy and that Drug Rewied My Frontal Cortex Into Light-Speed ​​Oness Times Two.”Sheen Writs that his intraduction to crack cocaine came came a via a woman he Dated Briefly, WHOM HE NAMES SANDY. One Night, After Sandy Called Sheen to Pick Her Up From Some Somy Situation She Was In. Sheen Did, and took Her Back Home with Him to Malibu. It was there, in be, that Sandy passed sheen a crack pipe and told HIM NOT TO OVERTHINK IT AND Just Inhale.

On His Near-Fatal Cocaine Overdose in 1998:

“I didn’h have to wait for the second dose to kick in; they have Hit me at the Same Time.”In an attempt to get sober, sheen was beaning Out his House of Drugs WHEN HE CAME ACROSS Some NEEDLES AND A BAGGIE OF COCAINE. Looking to Emulate Movies Like Trainspottinghe boiled the Coke Into a Liquid and Injected HimSelf. Feeling Nothing, He admin Sheen’s Live-in Bodyguard, Zip, Called 9-1-1, and Sheen Claims the Paramedics Alerted the Media, Such That When He Came to In the Ambulance, Ten Arrived at the Hospital, Press Was Was.

On Facing Domestic Abuse Charges by An Ex-Girlfriend in 1997:

“In a move to defense myseld – myees more surveyally, as she was trying to stab Them with her jagged car Keys – I Got Behind Her…”As Sheen recounts it, he and a girlfriend he refers to as “Jane” (timing and details would suggest “Jane” is Brittany Ashland) were having a normal evening when Ashland made a disparaging comment about a Photo of Sheen’s Ten 13-YEAR-ELD DAUGHTER, CASSANDRA. Sheen Ten Called A Friend to Pick up Jane to take her home, let Slip An Insult at Her, and that’s WHEN JANE BEGAN TO ATTACK HIM. As Sheen Alleges, He Acted in Self-Dense, and Jane’s Cut Lip (WHICH REQUID SEVEN STITCHES) Just of the Sort of Happy in the Scuffle.

On Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss

“I WAS Watching Myself Watching Heidi Stare at Me With A Look of Betrayal and Sadness.”

Sheen First Met Fleiss in a Vip Lounge Called On the ROX (Steve Bing Introduced Them). He Quickly Fell in with Her and Her Escort Service, and WHEN MONEY RAN OUT, HEWU Use Checks (and American Express Travelers Cheques, At that) To Pay Fleiss and Thss. With An Evident Sense of Shame, Sheen Recalls Cutting A Deal with The Feds for Immunity, and Spilling The Details to Law Enforcement with Fleiss and Her Lawyers in the Room. Sheen Ten Claims the Feds Truced to Use Him As Their Star Witness, and Threated to Throw the Book at Him If He Didn’T Agree. WHEN HE Asked to See The Evidence Against HIM, The FEDS Let Up.

On Being Drunk on Scotch While Flying An Air France Jet with Passengers Aboard:

“Leaning the Yoko Ever So Slightly to the Left, I Felt Like The Craft Was Reading My Mind…”On the Flight Home from His French Honeymoon (and in the Heat of a Dispute with His First Wife, Donna Peele), Sheen Downed Eights of Scotch, on the ate. Aircraft. The pilot Dressed Sheen Up in His Uniform, Ten Both He and The Co-Pilot Took Turns Snaping Photos with Sheen. The Plane in Autopilot and the Pilot’s Seat Empty, Sheen Asked If He Could Sit. The Pilots Agreed, Took The Plane Off Autopilot, and A VERY DRUNK Sheen Was Able to Fly and Steer The A330 SEMEWHERE Over the Atlantic With 200 Other Passengers Onboard.

On Discovering HIS HIV DIAGNOsis:

“I’d be in that State for Fifthty Hours, Doing Everything I Could to Avoid the Hospital.”

A Series of Excruciating Headaches and A Sensation of Fire in His Veins Led Sheen To Believe He Was On the Brink of Death. Finally, After Two Days of It, Sure He’d Learn Had Spinal Meningitis or Brain Cancer or Something Fatal, He Went To The Hospital. Insthead, He Learned He Had HIV. On His Sexual Encounters with Other Men (or “Other Side of the Menu”):

“Was Some of It Fun? You Betcha. Was The” Other Side “in Play Without Crack? Never.”